Today was Labour Day holiday - the first was in 1890, celebrating the struggle for an eight-hour working day, which allegedly NZ workers were among the first in the world to achieve. Someone forgot to tell whoever designed my current job description. I did no work today, in protest, rather than in celebration! I will of course, pay for it during the week!

This weekend also celebrates an anniversary of something else... 10 years ago on Labour Weekend, my father celebrated his last birthday. I can see him now, gaunt as he was, sitting in his wheelchair blowing out some candles on a cake. He most enjoyed the trifle, as I recall, and he did get very very tired. 10 days later, on Melbourne Cup day, he died. At one point as I was sitting in the hospital, I read a quote from Twain, in a Readers Digest, which I have often reflected on in the years since:

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written and cannot be written (or shared). Every day would make a whole book of 80,000 words--365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man--the biography of the man himself cannot be written."

At the time, it was very poignant, but as time has passed, I have come to understand even more deeply the truth of this statement. How much we see and think and process internally, that never gets recorded anywhere but on the inside of our minds. How much of it is forgotten 2 seconds later, and how much is retained for years and years, only to come back to the surface when we least expect it.

Having read the book John McCarthy wrote with Brian Keenan, about their travels in Chile, I'm now reading "A Ghost upon your path", in which John travels to a remote corner of Kerry, to spend some time, exploring his roots and coming to terms with his mother's death while he was a hostage in Beirut. I came across this passage last night, which had real resonance:

"The late afternoon light darkens, emphasizing my feeling of isolation. I keep the curtains open so that I can see the lights of cars on the road and of the houses across the harbour at Cromane. Many people live like this around here, I imagine. It's very hard to pin down the character of solitude. It is fickle, friendly and frightening by turns, bringing a sense of loss and good fortune almost in the same moment. Vast spaces, whether physical or emotional, can have you shouting for joy or leave you mute and cowering."

Oh dear. Another week gone by, and that tunnel just stretches on out.

On a brighter note, I went to my old school to watch a couple of year 12 plays tonight. I really enjoyed them both - the quality of drama teaching there is magnificent. One of the guys who made the video that won the national nude video competition earlier in the year got his kit off again. (to many wolf whistles from the audience.. the 14yr old members, that is, not us genteel types) School plays have certainly changed since I was in them!!!

Well.
So just when you thought there might be light at the end of the tunnel, that's about when it turns out to be a train. And this tunnel - it has no exits. Been back 3 days, and that is time enough for the work to triple. It's not a case of saying "no" to things... this is just the job, and I'm only finding out bits at a time . So glad I didn't apply for it on a permanent basis. 9 weeks and counting.

I'm ba-ack!!
Well, and how much warmer it is up here! Mind you, the 24 hours of constant and persistent rain on Monday/Tuesday weren't really that cold. Until the snow got deposited on the Tararuas, behind town, just like the picture, that is. Very pretty this morning as I was leaving. And the flight was sooooooo much smoother today. On Thursday, the whole plane clapped when we landed in Wellington - out of relief, I think - it was horrible bumpy!

A big HI to Kelli and to Pete (who linked me, how scary!!) - nice to see the readership on the up!!

One of the people I visited was my great aunt, who was 99 a month ago. She's a hoot! Gives my mum a run for her money!! I discovered she has her own online feature here... which completely cracked me up! Trust her!!!
These photos are off that site:

In summary, they think she's the oldest book recipient of the Wellington Library Housebound service. I've never known her not to be reading. She can beat me in Scrabble hands down, and unlike her, I don't even tackle the cryptic crosswords! (like to see her up against Nigel, eh Pete? I'd bet on my great aunt any day!)

Meanwhile, I continue to track my niece Carlee across Canada... She keeps scaring us with how close she gets to bears. Mind you, this bit from her latest email made me smirk (and not feel like quite such a wuss):

Haven't seen any more bears, though did see fresh prints and poo on a tramp we did. And in one campground we heard a funny huffing noise at night, so i made Dave drive me to the toilets!

Ode to Carlee:

(hee hee...)
OK, that's enough high spirits for one night. Anyone would think that I hadn't been so blonde as to have to phone the airline to find out when I was flying, since I hadn't bothered to either print my eticket, or write it down (DOH!!), or, alternatively, left my scarf in the rental car. I think I need a holiday!!!

Off to my home town for a few days....Brrrrr!

Still, it's pretty, but!

Just finished a 3 day holiday course for the Multimedia paper I'm doing (2nd to last one to finish the post grad diploma in Education Technology) - & I'm all buzzed, on creating simple VR movies, animations, morphing and generally playing about in a most geekly manner. For the first time, ever, I can remember, an assignment will be FUN!!!!! I'm scaring myself!! Next year's research paper is the one I'm dreading. How does one pick a research topic out of thin air????

COOL!!! Just bought my first "thing" in an online auction at TradeMe...

So pleased. Only 500g, which is just what I was after!

Well, it's the holidays at last. Two weeks of no students. Time to do my "intensive" 3 day course for the Diploma I am trying to finish (2 papers to go... nearly there!), and then take a trip down country to visit my Mum. She's not been well, and she's been very lonely, so it might be more me taking care of her, than the other way round, but as she is fond of saying, a change is as good as a rest! I'll be quite grateful to get back and finally have some time for myself. All 3 days of it!

I found my table today. It's been a matter of faith that it still existed - as the nearest horizontal surface to the front door, it becomes the repository of all things paper. If it had some kind of bounce mechanism, that would refuse to accept a new piece until I'd dealt with a previous piece, I'd be a lot better off! Still, it meant that there was a lot of recycling going on. AND I found stuff I actually needed, which had to be a good thing!!!

Very moving service at Graceway tonight. It was our foodbasket service, when we share food together first (literal foodbasket) and then share from our spiritual foodbasket how God has been moving in our lives. We had the triple bypass scars on view for the kids, and the wonderful testimony of encouragement on the morning of the op, through Psalm 91. We had the testimony of how the reading from "An Alien at St Wilfred's" had been an encouragement in relationship with Jesus a few weeks ago, through a particularly dark time. We heard of a 25 year old friend, who has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. We celebrated 10 years of Graceway. Tears, love, laughter. As Mark said at the end, it felt like we had been on holy ground. I'm glad for what was shared. I have felt a bit spiritually dry myself of late, and it is encouraging to me, to share in our communal time this way.

Gosh I'm tired. It's the end of the weekend, and I feel like I've been working from start to finish. In fact, it's not quite true, but I sure haven't had much time for me. Only one week till the holidays, and typically, the pressure is cranked right up. Then, after two weeks "off", it's only 10 more weeks till I can hand the extra responsibilities over. Which reminds me of the good news. We have a new Head of Faculty, yay oh yay oh yay!!! True, he won't start till January, but just having the end in sight relieves the pressure somewhat. He's Irish, but currently teaching in England, so that'll be fun... I hope he's going to be patient with us getting him to repeat everything he says till we get our ears in tune!
Meanwhile, the ankle is giving me a bit of a rest from pain, thankfully.
Must get back to work. Roll on next Saturday.. I have a massage booked to relieve me of some of the tension I know I'm going to accumulate this week!

Nearly a month since I've checked in. I've been so tired, & working such long hours.
Twas great to take time out these past 2 weekends, though, for Graceway camp, and this last Saturday to catch up with a good friend. So many other things have happened in the meantime...
2 weeks of Olympics
exams (yeah, I know - not on the same scale, but pity the poor students who had to study during the olympics!)
a stabbing at my school
one of the Graceway leadership team having a triple bypass, and being happy to be home again
a discovery that the chronic pain developed in my ankle which has had me hobbling and practically lame by the end of the day for the last 3 1/2 weeks is something that may require surgery to fix (not impressed at all )
and the terrible terrible hostage situation and massacre in Russia.

Two men, both in their 50's, both with cancer. One has small children, and a form of cancer so rare his doctor hasn't seen one like it in 10 years. His drugs have to be imported from overseas, and meanwhile he has to wait, while it continues to invade his liver. The other, adult children, and a growth in his neck. Both these men have had it before. In both cases, they were all clear and getting on with life. Both of them work in a significant role with students, but not at the same school. They are both friends of mine, though they don't know each other. One has faith, and the other believes in the power of setting goals and aiming high. I pray they will both have strength and hope and experience God's miraculous power & healing, along with His comfort for all their friends and families.

I'm feeling really QUITE grumpy tonight. I've been getting, on average, 4-5 hours sleep a night since going back to work this term, and not leaving work till after 6pm, in the dark, most nights, only to do another few hours once I get home! Yesterday we had Open Day, which meant I had to go in and supervise some SUPER seniors demonstrating scientific wonders, and was very much looking forward to a more relaxing day today.
Not so - damn migraine had other ideas. I'm sure if I could have kept the tablets Lynne put me onto DOWN for long enough they'd have worked like a charm, but no such luck. It was a gorgeous day, and I spent most of it in bed. GRUMP! I guess you could say it was an enforced catchup on sleep, but I sure coulda done without it.

3 things tore at my heart strings tonight. (I've dissected sheeps hearts this week, and I know they exist. Good biologists call them valves, but my 14 yr olds thought they looked like parachutes & strings)

The moon, a big yellow crescent, slowly disappearing as the horizon rose to meet it. I raced home to get my camera and this is it over the lagoon.
Walk On, by U2, playing on the car radio.
and saying goodbye to people I've only known 9 months, but in my heart I know we would have become the best of friends, had circumstances been different.
 
They all became one, in my consciousness, and it aches.
It's not every day I meet people with whom I feel an instant, heartwarming, connection. To be on the same wavelength, to share memories, even though they were of events that happened long before we met. And here they are leaving my life again so soon, having touched it deeply. I am a different person for having known them, and grieving for what might have been. I'd have liked longer. And I think I'm also grieving because realistically, we'll never make that deep bond. I hope we'll stay in touch.

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

Tonight I went to my first Auckland Film Festival movie, Blind Flight - the story of hostages Brian Keenan and John McCarthy, held captive in Lebanon in the late 80's early 90's. I wasn't really aware of these men (along with the many others, also held captive) until I was living in England in 1991. So easy to blindly live unaware of the suffering of others in so many ways. I remember going into St Brides, in Fleet St, to see the candles constantly lit, as a prayer for the release of these men. Brian had been released by then, but John and Terry Waite, among others, were still held. I so vividly remember my tears of joy and relief, later that year, as first John and then later Terry were freed, along with the others released in those months. People talk about defining moments, remembering "where you were when...", and I so remember where I was on both those occasions. The movie was a really honest, sensitive portrayal of the shared captivity of Brian and John. The story of the making of the movie is told beautifully here by John Furse, co-screenwriter and director.
I think this movie really moved me because of a number of things. It was about events which I had partially experienced (as in, they occured at a time and in a way that I felt emotionally involved). It revised for me the contents of their books, both of which I read some years ago (Some other Rainbow, by John McCarthy and Jill Morrell, and An Evil Cradling, by Brian Keenan), and enabled me to visualise with them what it must have been like. It reminded me of the time I spent living in the middle east, and the appalling conditions some people live in, and the vacant, burnt & bombed out houses which I witnessed first hand, often just down the road from palatial mansions (eg the beauty of the King's palace in Amman, virtually next door to a refugee camp). It reminded me there are people still captive today, and seemingly in ever increasing numbers. That in the thick of immense difficulty, faith, joy and beauty may be found within. These thoughts and more are captured beautifully in the "Capitivity" and "Freedom" windows crafted by a glassmaker called John Clark, which he was commissioned to create for a Broxted Parish Church, in Essex. They are really beautiful, and the symbolism used is explained here by the artist. For me, this is a beautiful melding together of traditional church art and contemporary events.

Goodness, what a week! I can't believe how COLD it is in Christchurch!!! How do people survive??
I thoroughly enjoyed the science conference I went down for. My mind was stuffed so so so full by the end that I highly valued a nice relaxing day as a tourist. Hard to believe that I could be moved to tears by a scientific presentation! What I brought back in my conference bag is a mere sampling of what seems to have been stuffed in my head, and I'm gonna need this next week to unpack it all so that I have something to present to the rest of my department. Cor!!!

Meanwhile, I loved the new art gallery in Christchurch, as much for the architecture as anything else. Not being allowed to take photos of the collection, I've contented myself with some of the building itself. And stayed in town long enough to get a night shot of the chalice and cathedral. (did I mention how cold it was??)

see the penguin in the reflection?


'nother reflection shot - this one looking at the panes of glass of the air bridge inside the building refracting the distorted images both through the panes themselves (see the legs) and reflecting the distorted images refracted through the outside wall of the building.. got all that?? Lots of spiritual imagery there:


outside, again:


I loved the mixture of curve & line and texture in the foyer, too:


and here we go: the chalice at night

I got through the farewell speech yesterday ok. It was a real tearjerking occasion, as these things are. I'm really sorry to see my HOD leave, for more reasons than it leaving me in the hotseat. I feel like I'm only just really getting to know he and his wife well, and I think we'd have been great friends. Some people have commented how "cold" and "English" he seemed, to them, and I must say it took a whole term for me to get to break through that exterior, but I'm so glad I did. (Last night I discovered that his wife and I have the same favourite song by Deacon Blue: Dignity... This is no mean thing, as I recall when I came home from living in the UK being immensely disappointed that there was no-one here that shared the same musical history I'd had there. I loved Deacon Blue, the Raintown album was my first and favourite... Loaded is another goodie)


His year 13's got him a labcoat, and wrote beautiful messages all over it, which he was really really touched by.

Off to conference this week, hopefully I'll feel a little less fraught by the time I get back.

Hmm.. I seem to have had a bit of a break. At least I'm over my cold now though.
I'm off to Christchurch next week to a conference, and to visit Steve & Lynne's new church. I'm really looking forward to seeing what kind of place gained in our loss!! (yeah, I know, in the Kingdom of Heaven it's not really theft, but hey...) I better be careful not to sound ungrateful about the provision God has made to Graceway in their place. I'm really appreciating Mark (find his story here, courtesy of MootBlog).

I'm just about to embark on a job that I never ever wanted. 9 months ago I applied for a new job, with more responsibility, to be assistant head of department, and was enjoying it immensely until my head of department told me he was leaving. Now I've counted the months, I'm quite amused. It has taken that time to prepare, grow, train, strengthen me, for the new new job I'm about to take on. My head of department is going to finish, in 3 more days, and we haven't been able to replace him. I find myself thrust into the position, short term (till the end of the year), until it is a better time to advertise. I surely hope there is someone just waiting for the vacancy to come up again, and also that my boss isn't right. That in the meantime I won't actually find I enjoy it, and want it after all. All I can see at the moment is the stress combined with a larger burden of responsibility than I've ever desired, ever. I guess time will tell. I'm certainly going to (need to) be ever more aware of the enabling and comfort and refreshing of the Spirit of God.

I've got my fourth cold of the season. So so so sick of feeling under the weather. Tonight I have a truckload of work to do, and I've just given up. I can't think clearly enough for the tasks I need to do.

However, I am back on my repaired laptop. And it was utterly painless setting this one up - the wonderful techo just imported my profile off the loan one I've had for the last 6 weeks, this time. It seems as good as new! I'm so impressed!!!!

Yesterday, my Head of Department gave me the best postive reinforcement that anyone's given me all year. I'll spare the details, but the result was a real boost in confidence. Why do we find it so so hard to build each other up, usually? Why does it seem so much easier to tear down? If we all cherished the way we feel when someone else encourages us, surely we'd be all out to do the same for others? Then again, it seems to come really naturally to some. One step at a time, that's all I can manage!

I think it's been over a week since I blogged. There is some uncertainty in my employment at the moment, and I'd been confiding in a close friend, as one does. I was gutted to be told that some of it had been passed on to others. It feels wrong somehow, in a friendship, to have to define stuff as "personal", when to me it seems obvious. I've pulled in a bit, and stopped sharing. So I've been a bit sad.

My lappie is back from the lappie-fixers all fixed. This means that for the 4th time in a month i'll have to housetrain a new computer. I didn't set up all my little bits and pieces this time.. couldn't be bothered, knowing I'd only have to repeat it all again anyway. It's a bit sad when your desktop feels like "home"!!!!

Oh how hilarious. Some of my ex-students just won a national video competition. The National Nude Week competition from a Sports/chat TV show! They did a spoof on LOTR. Of course, that's not nearly as cool as having taught NZ Idol!!!!