Phew!

At last, a bit of a slower pace...
It snowed on me in my travels, in spite of it supposedly being the height of summer, and then this morning it hailed!
I had enough time yesterday to finish putting together a cool-as bead angel I was given quite some time ago...

Took my mother and our 96 year old ex-neighbour out to look at the lights last night. We started at the house where I grew up - never seen it looking like this before!!!

so good to be not doing much at all!

Finally

... Yep, finally, nearly 2 weeks after some of my friends, I have finished school. I was so determined to be out of there today that I was up until 2am working, and then, after not really being able to sleep, back at it again at 7.30 this morning. But, at last, at 4.45 this afternoon, I did the last task that HAD to be done before I could leave. There is, of course lots more that I didn't do, but it can and will have to wait. I need this break. This has been one of the hardest working years I have ever known. At the same time it has been challenging and stimulating, but I'm totalled now. Illustrated vividly by more tears at the end of last week.

What am I planning for the summer? Well, it seems to get shorter and shorter all the time - I have to be back for a 2 day intro for the last course in my diploma, which is sure something I could live without. And I have to be back at school a week before everyone else. But other than that, the bit I'm looking most forward to is a week at a beach. Not the same beach as last year, but just as nice by all accounts. I'm looking forward to the long long evenings strolling along and collecting shells and driftwood.

Boy's toys...

My brother cracks me up. He is the epitome of playing it close to the chest. He's off this weekend, to run the Kepler Challenge Mountain race for the 17th time. Last year was a really slow one (11-ish hours to do the 64km), so he joked at Christmas that this year he'd be going for the most improved time. So I wished him well in his endeavours. What do I get back but an email, not about the mountain race, but about the trip down the West Coast to get to the mountain race, and how he was going to have the most improved time for that. How come?
Well... I had to

look in the rear view mirror:

.
.
.
no, closer... in the wing mirror:

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and then gaze out the front, at the beast disappearing into the distance:


So, apparently he won one of the limited edition Ford Falcon XR8's with personalised All Blacks number plates. Someone remind me again why I don't buy Lotto tickets??

How long....????

It's always the oldies that I go back to when times are tough, as they are at the moment.

Every cry is a song
Every song is a prayer
And our prayers must be heard
To fill the air

Help us make peace
Amazing grace, Morning has
broken, Imagine, Trumpets, Knocking
on heavens door, in the garden,
Forever young, No woman no cry, Ag
criost an siol, Open up, open up,
open up the doors to your heart, You
might need somebody. Thank you
for letting me be myself again.

I'm looking forward to "being myself" again. Dunno when it's gonna happen, still can't see past the next 2 weeks. In fact, at the moment, I'm lucky if I can see past the next hour. A couple of good people have popped out of the woodwork yesterday and today, to fill the vacuum of isolation and speak love to my broken spirit. After these 2 terms, I don't think I'll ever be the same "me" again. I've learnt a thing or two, some things that I never really wanted to learn, or see. Some has been rewarding, some has been very disappointing. I hope I'm a stronger person when it's over.

Fame

How sad it is when we grasp at tenuous links to perceived fame...

Loosely translated as "the school magazine was out today, and I have found my picture (4x) and reference to me (2x)".

Is this where we set goals for next year??

2.5 weeks to go in this academic year, and I probably still have about 6 weeks work. Still not quite sure how I'm going to do it, but there's nothing surer than that time will pass! Somehow, too, I also have 2 massive assignments to finish, of which one is a website, so I may be brave enough to post a link, when it's done. (might.)

(or not!)

Grrr!!!

Why?
1. It's 4.52am and I'm not asleep. I got up cos I'd been not asleep for about an hour and I'm bored.
2. I just got error messages from haloscan saying I didn't have permission to access my member page.
3. Consequently comments have vanished, at the moment, anyway
4. Why not?
5. Marking exams, writing reports, budgets and reports to the Board are not things I want to be thrashing about at this time of the morning. Ever.

Review

Found this in the Herald this morning. I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoyed it! (although that was very obvious by the demand for encore after encore, which they were kind enough to fulfill)
Most amused at this reference to the chandelier thingys I mentioned already: The giant creatures-of-the-deep-like chandeliers from the workshop of Neil's wife Sharon were certainly flash.
I must just add, tho, that I HATE the St James Theater - it has got to be the MOST uncomfortable venue in Auckland. I was on the mezzanine floor, nearish the front, wonder how close I was to the rest of the Finn clan?!

Bit of a play

Well, instead of doing 1000's of other things that were really far more necessary, I've had a bit of a play with colours and stuff. I liked one of the other templates, but I lost my other settings, so I won't play with that until I have time to fiddle properly.

Finns!!

Instead of focussing on how crap the past few weeks have been, I will go to bed tonight and relive the Finn Brothers' concert I've just come home from. They were awesome. (I can't believe I first heard them as Crowded House, in the Manawatu Sports Stadium on 14 January 1989 - according to this phenomenally detailed bio site!. They played a curious mix of Split Enz and CH, that night, from memory.. faint though it is now!!!) These guys ROCK! They could've gone on all night, and still not repeated the same song twice, although I wouldn't have minded a bit if they had. Lots of songs from the new album, but also ones from way back when I was still at school, and they were the Enz.

The backdrop/set was fantastic. They had these groovy hanging chandelier things, which, with the changes in lighting reminded me at times of:
chinese lanterns
ghost ship lights
portugese man 'o war
pin cushion
glow worms
waterfalls
Christmas decorations
orthodox lanterns
and others that I can't remember. I had a go at taking a photo with my phone, but it's really rubbish from that distance & in low light:



It was a real feast of vision and sound. Loved it.

The supporting groups were Gasoline Cowboy, who had a couple of good numbers, but I could take or leave them, and Missy Higgins, on tour with the Finns & her first time in NZ. She had just an awesome voice, and accompanied herself on either guitar or keyboard. I was impressed!! This is a wee article about her that was in the NZ Herald last week.

Sad:(

What I want to know is this. How is it possible that the most alone I feel is sometimes when I am with the person who is my closest friend? What is that about? Is it because the level of expectation of emotional support is higher, and hence the lack of any is more of a let down? Is it because the people you are closest to are the ones that have the inside knowledge and ability to hurt you the most? Is it because answering the question "what can I do do support you in this difficult time?" with specifics and appreciating the effort while it lasts (about 2 days, as a rule) becomes more difficult every time? I really don't know, but I feel quite sad.

Idolblog.com wins

Woohoo!!! Congrats to Rachel and Regan for winning the Best Youth Site award at the Netguide awards last night, for the site they set up for the first series of NZ Idol. It's grown like Topsy ever since, so that now they have 7000 registered members! You go guys!!!!

Today was Labour Day holiday - the first was in 1890, celebrating the struggle for an eight-hour working day, which allegedly NZ workers were among the first in the world to achieve. Someone forgot to tell whoever designed my current job description. I did no work today, in protest, rather than in celebration! I will of course, pay for it during the week!

This weekend also celebrates an anniversary of something else... 10 years ago on Labour Weekend, my father celebrated his last birthday. I can see him now, gaunt as he was, sitting in his wheelchair blowing out some candles on a cake. He most enjoyed the trifle, as I recall, and he did get very very tired. 10 days later, on Melbourne Cup day, he died. At one point as I was sitting in the hospital, I read a quote from Twain, in a Readers Digest, which I have often reflected on in the years since:

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written and cannot be written (or shared). Every day would make a whole book of 80,000 words--365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man--the biography of the man himself cannot be written."

At the time, it was very poignant, but as time has passed, I have come to understand even more deeply the truth of this statement. How much we see and think and process internally, that never gets recorded anywhere but on the inside of our minds. How much of it is forgotten 2 seconds later, and how much is retained for years and years, only to come back to the surface when we least expect it.

Having read the book John McCarthy wrote with Brian Keenan, about their travels in Chile, I'm now reading "A Ghost upon your path", in which John travels to a remote corner of Kerry, to spend some time, exploring his roots and coming to terms with his mother's death while he was a hostage in Beirut. I came across this passage last night, which had real resonance:

"The late afternoon light darkens, emphasizing my feeling of isolation. I keep the curtains open so that I can see the lights of cars on the road and of the houses across the harbour at Cromane. Many people live like this around here, I imagine. It's very hard to pin down the character of solitude. It is fickle, friendly and frightening by turns, bringing a sense of loss and good fortune almost in the same moment. Vast spaces, whether physical or emotional, can have you shouting for joy or leave you mute and cowering."

Oh dear. Another week gone by, and that tunnel just stretches on out.

On a brighter note, I went to my old school to watch a couple of year 12 plays tonight. I really enjoyed them both - the quality of drama teaching there is magnificent. One of the guys who made the video that won the national nude video competition earlier in the year got his kit off again. (to many wolf whistles from the audience.. the 14yr old members, that is, not us genteel types) School plays have certainly changed since I was in them!!!

Well.
So just when you thought there might be light at the end of the tunnel, that's about when it turns out to be a train. And this tunnel - it has no exits. Been back 3 days, and that is time enough for the work to triple. It's not a case of saying "no" to things... this is just the job, and I'm only finding out bits at a time . So glad I didn't apply for it on a permanent basis. 9 weeks and counting.

I'm ba-ack!!
Well, and how much warmer it is up here! Mind you, the 24 hours of constant and persistent rain on Monday/Tuesday weren't really that cold. Until the snow got deposited on the Tararuas, behind town, just like the picture, that is. Very pretty this morning as I was leaving. And the flight was sooooooo much smoother today. On Thursday, the whole plane clapped when we landed in Wellington - out of relief, I think - it was horrible bumpy!

A big HI to Kelli and to Pete (who linked me, how scary!!) - nice to see the readership on the up!!

One of the people I visited was my great aunt, who was 99 a month ago. She's a hoot! Gives my mum a run for her money!! I discovered she has her own online feature here... which completely cracked me up! Trust her!!!
These photos are off that site:

In summary, they think she's the oldest book recipient of the Wellington Library Housebound service. I've never known her not to be reading. She can beat me in Scrabble hands down, and unlike her, I don't even tackle the cryptic crosswords! (like to see her up against Nigel, eh Pete? I'd bet on my great aunt any day!)

Meanwhile, I continue to track my niece Carlee across Canada... She keeps scaring us with how close she gets to bears. Mind you, this bit from her latest email made me smirk (and not feel like quite such a wuss):

Haven't seen any more bears, though did see fresh prints and poo on a tramp we did. And in one campground we heard a funny huffing noise at night, so i made Dave drive me to the toilets!

Ode to Carlee:

(hee hee...)
OK, that's enough high spirits for one night. Anyone would think that I hadn't been so blonde as to have to phone the airline to find out when I was flying, since I hadn't bothered to either print my eticket, or write it down (DOH!!), or, alternatively, left my scarf in the rental car. I think I need a holiday!!!

Off to my home town for a few days....Brrrrr!

Still, it's pretty, but!

Just finished a 3 day holiday course for the Multimedia paper I'm doing (2nd to last one to finish the post grad diploma in Education Technology) - & I'm all buzzed, on creating simple VR movies, animations, morphing and generally playing about in a most geekly manner. For the first time, ever, I can remember, an assignment will be FUN!!!!! I'm scaring myself!! Next year's research paper is the one I'm dreading. How does one pick a research topic out of thin air????

COOL!!! Just bought my first "thing" in an online auction at TradeMe...

So pleased. Only 500g, which is just what I was after!

Well, it's the holidays at last. Two weeks of no students. Time to do my "intensive" 3 day course for the Diploma I am trying to finish (2 papers to go... nearly there!), and then take a trip down country to visit my Mum. She's not been well, and she's been very lonely, so it might be more me taking care of her, than the other way round, but as she is fond of saying, a change is as good as a rest! I'll be quite grateful to get back and finally have some time for myself. All 3 days of it!

I found my table today. It's been a matter of faith that it still existed - as the nearest horizontal surface to the front door, it becomes the repository of all things paper. If it had some kind of bounce mechanism, that would refuse to accept a new piece until I'd dealt with a previous piece, I'd be a lot better off! Still, it meant that there was a lot of recycling going on. AND I found stuff I actually needed, which had to be a good thing!!!

Very moving service at Graceway tonight. It was our foodbasket service, when we share food together first (literal foodbasket) and then share from our spiritual foodbasket how God has been moving in our lives. We had the triple bypass scars on view for the kids, and the wonderful testimony of encouragement on the morning of the op, through Psalm 91. We had the testimony of how the reading from "An Alien at St Wilfred's" had been an encouragement in relationship with Jesus a few weeks ago, through a particularly dark time. We heard of a 25 year old friend, who has been diagnosed with a brain tumour. We celebrated 10 years of Graceway. Tears, love, laughter. As Mark said at the end, it felt like we had been on holy ground. I'm glad for what was shared. I have felt a bit spiritually dry myself of late, and it is encouraging to me, to share in our communal time this way.

Gosh I'm tired. It's the end of the weekend, and I feel like I've been working from start to finish. In fact, it's not quite true, but I sure haven't had much time for me. Only one week till the holidays, and typically, the pressure is cranked right up. Then, after two weeks "off", it's only 10 more weeks till I can hand the extra responsibilities over. Which reminds me of the good news. We have a new Head of Faculty, yay oh yay oh yay!!! True, he won't start till January, but just having the end in sight relieves the pressure somewhat. He's Irish, but currently teaching in England, so that'll be fun... I hope he's going to be patient with us getting him to repeat everything he says till we get our ears in tune!
Meanwhile, the ankle is giving me a bit of a rest from pain, thankfully.
Must get back to work. Roll on next Saturday.. I have a massage booked to relieve me of some of the tension I know I'm going to accumulate this week!

Nearly a month since I've checked in. I've been so tired, & working such long hours.
Twas great to take time out these past 2 weekends, though, for Graceway camp, and this last Saturday to catch up with a good friend. So many other things have happened in the meantime...
2 weeks of Olympics
exams (yeah, I know - not on the same scale, but pity the poor students who had to study during the olympics!)
a stabbing at my school
one of the Graceway leadership team having a triple bypass, and being happy to be home again
a discovery that the chronic pain developed in my ankle which has had me hobbling and practically lame by the end of the day for the last 3 1/2 weeks is something that may require surgery to fix (not impressed at all )
and the terrible terrible hostage situation and massacre in Russia.

Two men, both in their 50's, both with cancer. One has small children, and a form of cancer so rare his doctor hasn't seen one like it in 10 years. His drugs have to be imported from overseas, and meanwhile he has to wait, while it continues to invade his liver. The other, adult children, and a growth in his neck. Both these men have had it before. In both cases, they were all clear and getting on with life. Both of them work in a significant role with students, but not at the same school. They are both friends of mine, though they don't know each other. One has faith, and the other believes in the power of setting goals and aiming high. I pray they will both have strength and hope and experience God's miraculous power & healing, along with His comfort for all their friends and families.

I'm feeling really QUITE grumpy tonight. I've been getting, on average, 4-5 hours sleep a night since going back to work this term, and not leaving work till after 6pm, in the dark, most nights, only to do another few hours once I get home! Yesterday we had Open Day, which meant I had to go in and supervise some SUPER seniors demonstrating scientific wonders, and was very much looking forward to a more relaxing day today.
Not so - damn migraine had other ideas. I'm sure if I could have kept the tablets Lynne put me onto DOWN for long enough they'd have worked like a charm, but no such luck. It was a gorgeous day, and I spent most of it in bed. GRUMP! I guess you could say it was an enforced catchup on sleep, but I sure coulda done without it.

3 things tore at my heart strings tonight. (I've dissected sheeps hearts this week, and I know they exist. Good biologists call them valves, but my 14 yr olds thought they looked like parachutes & strings)

The moon, a big yellow crescent, slowly disappearing as the horizon rose to meet it. I raced home to get my camera and this is it over the lagoon.
Walk On, by U2, playing on the car radio.
and saying goodbye to people I've only known 9 months, but in my heart I know we would have become the best of friends, had circumstances been different.
 
They all became one, in my consciousness, and it aches.
It's not every day I meet people with whom I feel an instant, heartwarming, connection. To be on the same wavelength, to share memories, even though they were of events that happened long before we met. And here they are leaving my life again so soon, having touched it deeply. I am a different person for having known them, and grieving for what might have been. I'd have liked longer. And I think I'm also grieving because realistically, we'll never make that deep bond. I hope we'll stay in touch.

And I know it aches
And your heart it breaks
You can only take so much
Walk on
Leave it behind
You've got to leave it behind

Tonight I went to my first Auckland Film Festival movie, Blind Flight - the story of hostages Brian Keenan and John McCarthy, held captive in Lebanon in the late 80's early 90's. I wasn't really aware of these men (along with the many others, also held captive) until I was living in England in 1991. So easy to blindly live unaware of the suffering of others in so many ways. I remember going into St Brides, in Fleet St, to see the candles constantly lit, as a prayer for the release of these men. Brian had been released by then, but John and Terry Waite, among others, were still held. I so vividly remember my tears of joy and relief, later that year, as first John and then later Terry were freed, along with the others released in those months. People talk about defining moments, remembering "where you were when...", and I so remember where I was on both those occasions. The movie was a really honest, sensitive portrayal of the shared captivity of Brian and John. The story of the making of the movie is told beautifully here by John Furse, co-screenwriter and director.
I think this movie really moved me because of a number of things. It was about events which I had partially experienced (as in, they occured at a time and in a way that I felt emotionally involved). It revised for me the contents of their books, both of which I read some years ago (Some other Rainbow, by John McCarthy and Jill Morrell, and An Evil Cradling, by Brian Keenan), and enabled me to visualise with them what it must have been like. It reminded me of the time I spent living in the middle east, and the appalling conditions some people live in, and the vacant, burnt & bombed out houses which I witnessed first hand, often just down the road from palatial mansions (eg the beauty of the King's palace in Amman, virtually next door to a refugee camp). It reminded me there are people still captive today, and seemingly in ever increasing numbers. That in the thick of immense difficulty, faith, joy and beauty may be found within. These thoughts and more are captured beautifully in the "Capitivity" and "Freedom" windows crafted by a glassmaker called John Clark, which he was commissioned to create for a Broxted Parish Church, in Essex. They are really beautiful, and the symbolism used is explained here by the artist. For me, this is a beautiful melding together of traditional church art and contemporary events.

Goodness, what a week! I can't believe how COLD it is in Christchurch!!! How do people survive??
I thoroughly enjoyed the science conference I went down for. My mind was stuffed so so so full by the end that I highly valued a nice relaxing day as a tourist. Hard to believe that I could be moved to tears by a scientific presentation! What I brought back in my conference bag is a mere sampling of what seems to have been stuffed in my head, and I'm gonna need this next week to unpack it all so that I have something to present to the rest of my department. Cor!!!

Meanwhile, I loved the new art gallery in Christchurch, as much for the architecture as anything else. Not being allowed to take photos of the collection, I've contented myself with some of the building itself. And stayed in town long enough to get a night shot of the chalice and cathedral. (did I mention how cold it was??)

see the penguin in the reflection?


'nother reflection shot - this one looking at the panes of glass of the air bridge inside the building refracting the distorted images both through the panes themselves (see the legs) and reflecting the distorted images refracted through the outside wall of the building.. got all that?? Lots of spiritual imagery there:


outside, again:


I loved the mixture of curve & line and texture in the foyer, too:


and here we go: the chalice at night

I got through the farewell speech yesterday ok. It was a real tearjerking occasion, as these things are. I'm really sorry to see my HOD leave, for more reasons than it leaving me in the hotseat. I feel like I'm only just really getting to know he and his wife well, and I think we'd have been great friends. Some people have commented how "cold" and "English" he seemed, to them, and I must say it took a whole term for me to get to break through that exterior, but I'm so glad I did. (Last night I discovered that his wife and I have the same favourite song by Deacon Blue: Dignity... This is no mean thing, as I recall when I came home from living in the UK being immensely disappointed that there was no-one here that shared the same musical history I'd had there. I loved Deacon Blue, the Raintown album was my first and favourite... Loaded is another goodie)


His year 13's got him a labcoat, and wrote beautiful messages all over it, which he was really really touched by.

Off to conference this week, hopefully I'll feel a little less fraught by the time I get back.

Hmm.. I seem to have had a bit of a break. At least I'm over my cold now though.
I'm off to Christchurch next week to a conference, and to visit Steve & Lynne's new church. I'm really looking forward to seeing what kind of place gained in our loss!! (yeah, I know, in the Kingdom of Heaven it's not really theft, but hey...) I better be careful not to sound ungrateful about the provision God has made to Graceway in their place. I'm really appreciating Mark (find his story here, courtesy of MootBlog).

I'm just about to embark on a job that I never ever wanted. 9 months ago I applied for a new job, with more responsibility, to be assistant head of department, and was enjoying it immensely until my head of department told me he was leaving. Now I've counted the months, I'm quite amused. It has taken that time to prepare, grow, train, strengthen me, for the new new job I'm about to take on. My head of department is going to finish, in 3 more days, and we haven't been able to replace him. I find myself thrust into the position, short term (till the end of the year), until it is a better time to advertise. I surely hope there is someone just waiting for the vacancy to come up again, and also that my boss isn't right. That in the meantime I won't actually find I enjoy it, and want it after all. All I can see at the moment is the stress combined with a larger burden of responsibility than I've ever desired, ever. I guess time will tell. I'm certainly going to (need to) be ever more aware of the enabling and comfort and refreshing of the Spirit of God.

I've got my fourth cold of the season. So so so sick of feeling under the weather. Tonight I have a truckload of work to do, and I've just given up. I can't think clearly enough for the tasks I need to do.

However, I am back on my repaired laptop. And it was utterly painless setting this one up - the wonderful techo just imported my profile off the loan one I've had for the last 6 weeks, this time. It seems as good as new! I'm so impressed!!!!

Yesterday, my Head of Department gave me the best postive reinforcement that anyone's given me all year. I'll spare the details, but the result was a real boost in confidence. Why do we find it so so hard to build each other up, usually? Why does it seem so much easier to tear down? If we all cherished the way we feel when someone else encourages us, surely we'd be all out to do the same for others? Then again, it seems to come really naturally to some. One step at a time, that's all I can manage!

I think it's been over a week since I blogged. There is some uncertainty in my employment at the moment, and I'd been confiding in a close friend, as one does. I was gutted to be told that some of it had been passed on to others. It feels wrong somehow, in a friendship, to have to define stuff as "personal", when to me it seems obvious. I've pulled in a bit, and stopped sharing. So I've been a bit sad.

My lappie is back from the lappie-fixers all fixed. This means that for the 4th time in a month i'll have to housetrain a new computer. I didn't set up all my little bits and pieces this time.. couldn't be bothered, knowing I'd only have to repeat it all again anyway. It's a bit sad when your desktop feels like "home"!!!!

Oh how hilarious. Some of my ex-students just won a national video competition. The National Nude Week competition from a Sports/chat TV show! They did a spoof on LOTR. Of course, that's not nearly as cool as having taught NZ Idol!!!!

Been playing a bit in Ship of Fools' internet Church tonight. Haven't had much luck getting in as a "real" person, but on occasion I can visit as a 'ghost'.

Tis interesting reading about others' experiences, and I saw this article on XtraMsn, about rude people crashing church and being obnoxious. Takes all sorts, eh!!

Yay... my eyes have been feeling really tired and gritty, and today it occured to me that maybe it was because I was spending too much time in front of the computer, and reading (reading The First Man in Rome, by Colleen McCullough at the moment.. and it's ENORMOUS), and just maybe it would be good for my eyes, not to mention the rest of me, if I got out and went for a walk. Making my eyes do some work on the horizon, flexing the farsight muscles. I ended up down at the waterfront, where the sun was blazing down, and there was fresh sea breeze and fresh sea smell. I stalked a kingfisher, as it was looking for fish.


I found myself thinking about the people who have been mentors and caregivers to me over the years, being the examples of a loving God incarnate, of a loving friend, of a loving father and mother as well. I am grateful to all of them for the examples they have been to me, and the love and care they have shown me. Some of them I'm still in touch with, others I've lost track of, while some have died. I like to think that the person I am today is better for having known and been cared for by them.

By the time I got home again I felt that many of the cobwebs had blown away, and that in spite of going for a walk by myself, that I wasn't alone. The love of these people walked with me. The love of God surrounds me.

This is important right now, as a time of great change is coming. I find myself having to take on much much more responsibility at work than I want, and must find the endurance and wisdom from the resources I have stored away for such a time. I need to grow more patience for dealing with difficult people, and I need to be more sensible about getting enough rest and about how I structure my days so that I fit everything in. I need to know when it is time to say "no more". I need to work smarter not harder, and I need to learn how. It'll be an interesting journey.

I don't feel like there's been much to blog about this week. I went to see Troy in the weekend, and enjoyed it more than Van Helsing the weekend before. I find it really interesting that there seems to be a major renaissance of epic/mythological/historical movies at present. Arthur and Alexander are both coming up soonish. Is this part of "our" search for "belonging" or "roots", or is it just a giant capitalisation on a perceived "good thing"?

What a funny old week it's been. Tuesday, after that really late night (I'm getting too old for this working late at night on assignments bizzo. Why do I do it to myself??) it was a manically full day. By the time I'd listened to a lecture in our Professional Development session (which I'd have found fascinating at any other time when I could stay awake) been to a meeting during lunch and after classes, and supervised a full on practical assessment, I was SOOOO ready for the massage I had booked.

A friend came round for dinner that night as well. I hadn't seen her since her wedding day, and actually still haven't met her husband other than for about 5 minutes at their engagement party. He has a night class on Tuesdays, and she works out my way, so it worked out nicely. I've been sad to lose touch with her so much since hubby arrived on the scene, but that's the way stuff happens sometimes. Some friends are just as good at being in touch, and others just simply move on to "his" friends.

The week has only got better, really. I so enjoyed my classes today. Watching my seniors make discoveries about the chemical world as they work their way through an individual investigation is quite special. It's so nice to see them becoming a little more independent. And they come up with the most hilarious problems for me to solve for them. Like one guy. Came up with a mortar FULL of raisins (the rest of the bag got slowly consumed when they thought I wasn't watching) to ask if I could think of an easier way to grind them up. Ummmm... have you thought about doing LESS at a time??? DOH! Nope, apparently that hadn't occured to him at all!!! Ever tried grinding raisins?? VERY sticky!

By the time I finished my assignment and handed it in online at 12.30am this morning, I was well and truly fed up. Yay for NZ Idol giving me something to smile about during the evening. Also spotted Rachel and Regan in the Herald yesterday. You go guys!!! Nice showing on the late news as well!
Meanwhile, gotta go earn a crust.....
Tired, so so tired...

Wow!!! Can't believe it. I have a computer working acey pacey, an extension for my assignment from last Monday to this, tickets for the Blues vs Highlanders Rugby match, and got a parcel off to my niece in Canada for less than $20. Seems a lot to send Rashuns across the whole wide world, but needs must!

Now, though I actually have to DO the assignment instead of just thinking about it! Sigh...!

A spiritual bypass?
Found this really interesting article in the current Listener. David Young, the writer, talks about the rise in Maori Spirituality/Ritual in contemporary society (with things like dam blessings, karakia at opening of new buildings and relocation of animals or birds by DOC), while at the same time Pakeha spirituality/ritual has become something not "of our culture".

He says: "In a book to be published later this year* I suggest that many Pakeha have had a spiritual bypass. As more and more have found the church's message less pertinent and voted with their feet, we have met Maori religion ñ which owes much to 19th-century missionary work ñ coming to meet us through the foliage overgrowing the back path to the church. But with what do we greet them?"

and: "But what Pakeha cannot offer and Maori still can is ritual, rooted in tradition that belongs entirely to this land. I suspect that most Pakeha are not comfortable with ritual and have been relieved to be able to shuck off the worst of the formalisms of the societies that our forebears left behind. Yet there are times when rituals that are grounded in this landscape and are of this time are needed. For the most part, however, only Maori seem to be able to fill this gap."

I'm going to be interested in what the book says when it comes out, and in the churches response to it. I wonder if, in the emergent church, some of the answers are already growing in an organic way?

Ha!!! So, it turned out to be the Sassy Sasser worm, which I would have been protected from if the lovely techies had downloaded the windows updates when they were setting up the computer, but ah well. It didn't take tooooooo long to rid it, and at least I got to them first! By the time I left their office they had a pile of about 7 other laptops, which all had it too! I certainly didn't feel bad at all. Mind you, I did spend quite a bit of time last night downloading every update in existence. Things are still a little slow.

And tonight, I christened my fondue set. I was too young (and my parents not young enough), to have had that phase in the 70's or 80's or whenever it was they were trendy. All the recipes wanted kirsch, which of course (because I wanted it NOW), none of the "locals" had, nor cherry schnapps, so I settled for cherry brandy. Ah well. I always wanted a pink cheese fondue! So yummy, tho. We had Two Paddocks reisling, which was delicious, even if it's hard to find. My friend and I had been looking for it (it's Sam Neill's vineyard) for a while, so I was pleased to find it in time for her birthday.

And so, I eventually picked up a new "loaner", and spent a couple of days setting it up the way I like it.
Desktop of boiling mud, from the trip last week.
Imported all the favourites and the address book (haven't been able to access the dbx files the techies saved from outlook express yet tho). Installed the couple of essential programmes I can't live without.
And then, this afternoon, a week to the day since I killed the last one, this new one turned up its toes and died.
Dunno why? One minute I was reading the Herald online, and the next it wouldn't let me load any new pages, and I got an error message when the email went to check for new mail. And it's gone unbelieveably slow and started throwing up some very peculiar windows. Hmmmmm, virus, thought I. Ran the scan, ran stinger, nothing. I give up. It's back in its case, ready to hand back to the techies on Monday, and I'm back to square 1. At least I haven't lost anything, though, yay.

It's rained relentlessly all day. It's been dark and dismal both inside and out. I usually don't mind the rain, but today it just seemed to echo how I felt.

Oh yay!!!
Our techies are just wonderful. They're my favorite people today. Charles managed not only to extract my hard drive from the casing, but also to download all my files. I spent all afternoon backing them up to CD!! It will be a week or two before I get my own 'puter back in it's new case, but my mind is at ease, now all the stuff I foolishly hadn't backed up is safe:) Been waking up an hour earlier each morning.. this morning it was 3.30am, tho I didn't have the same sense of panic, as I'd had earlier in the week. Was quite a peaceful contemplative time, even if I'd rather have been asleep.

Graceway met in the cafe across the road from our usual hall last night. The hall wasn't available, and in spite of it being Anzac Day, & it being a war memorial hall, the two didn't seem to be connected. We decided that it looked like they were doing some digging out back.
Anyway, the cafe owner kindly stayed open an extra hour for us, and we clustered around tables and talked about intercession and then did some. It was great. My friends prayed about my computer (sadly there's no cure for terminal stupidity, but we make the best of what we've got!) and about the reaction at work today.
So, it seems that our wonderful technicians just MIGHT be able to copy my stuff off the hard drive, but they're going to try that tomorrow. They've also come up with another temporary "loaner", so that's brilliant.. I get that tomorrow too. The bad news, of course, is that I'll have to pay out lots of $$$ for the insurance excess, cos it was deemed to be "negligence". Ah well. The files are the bit I'm most anxious about. I know I'll be able to laugh about it sometime, but not just yet.
I got a great email today, tho, that just might describe my next data storage device:

This is our new IT strategy ñ all laptop computers will be disposed of by August 2004 and all desktop computers by July 2004 as a part of the ongoing cost-cutting in the Educational sector. Instead everyone will be provided with an Etch-A Sketch. There are many sound reasons for doing this:

No boot-up problems
No technical glitches keeping wok from being done
No more wasted time reading and writing e-mails or playing games on line
No more worries about power cuts or power spikes
Budget savings on upgrades unparalleled.

Frequently Asked Questions from the Etch-A Sketch Help Desk

Q: My Etch-A Sketch has all these funny lines all over the screen
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: How do I turn my Etch-A Sketch off?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: Whatís the shortcut for Undo?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: How do I create a new document window?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: How do I set the background and foreground to the same colour?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: What is the proper procedure for rebooting my Etch-A Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: How do I delete a document on my Etch-A Sketch?
A: Pick it up and shake it

Q: How do I save my Etch-A Sketch document?
A: Donít shake it

Q: How do I photocopy an Etch-A Sketch document?
A: There three alternatives, but on no account shake it

a) Place the Etch-A Sketch on a flat surface, turn the photocopier upside down on it and press Copy (Hint ñ you may need to completely remove the ìlidî from the photocopier first)
b) Get a digital camera, photograph the Etch-A Sketch document, process it with your favourite bit of photo-enhancing software and print it. (Hint one: depending on your photocopier v printing costs it may save you a bit of time and money if you just print the required number of copies anyway. Hint two: If you do not have access to a digital camera you could use an ordinary one, get the film developed and printed and then scan it into the computer. Hint three: Since the Etch-A Sketch original is in grey and white you donít need a bubble-jet or colour laser to copy it.
c) Grab a piece of tracing paper (remember that?) trace the image and then copy it (Hint: if you canít find tracing paper maybe the Domestic Science /Cookery (Sorry ñ Technology Food) teacher has some grease proof paper (remember that?) that you can use.

(Please note: These hints are redundant anyway because your laptop and desktop computers will not be available in the last quarter of this year)

Q: What is the difference between FAQs and Fax?
A: With FAQs, since it ends in ìsî it is therefore plural so you get more than one (see the explanation for marking Unit Standard assessments). Fax should more properly have been spelt Facs since itís short for facsimile. So because Facs ends in an ìsî itís plural too so the conclusion is that FAQs and Fax are equivalent.

IMPORTANT: This e-mail is intended for the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this e-mail is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas.

Unless the word ìabsquatulationî has been used in its correct context (and youíll need a very good dictionary to look it up in) somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and can be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this e-mail, although the Kelpie next door is living on borrowed timeí let me tell you.Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading the backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft.

However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this e-mail in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk, and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

The clear hard light of day reveals only that the lappie is still dead. Not that I expected any different, but there was always that vague hope. After I stopped pacing around the lounge I decided I may as well try and get some sleep. After all, I wasn't going to improve matters any. I kept waking up and remembering some other file or document or email or whatever that was probably going to be irrecoverable. I am shocked by how stupid I was. Both for the accident to the machine itself, and for not having backed up enough. And I guess I'm a bit surprised at the feeling of grief and loss. And what on earth am I going to say at work tomorrow????

In fairly major crisis mode...
Have been away for 2 days with senior high school students, doing a chemistry field trip... Have driven for hours and hours, and I'm really tired.
I've just managed to spill about 100mL of softdrink on my laptop, while it was on. This was bad enough, but then I put it by the heater to dry out, and hoped for the best... (after all the lights went out). Next thing, I smelt burning plastic. Now I've fried the bottom of it as well. I don't know where the hard drive is, or if I'm likely to have lost absolutely everything that was on it. I'm a tad on the distraught side. (To put it mildly) The lappy is leased, and I suspect I"ve been exceedingly foolish, and not backed up enough stuff.. Feeling extremely distressed and almost hysterical.
Oh, and just to top it all off, the cat then sicked up (both ends) on the carpet.
Excellent.

I'm sooo glad I stayed home this afternoon, otherwise I'd have missed a visit from a special ex-flatmate and her wriggly 9 month old daughter. It just went to prove that my lounge isn't toddler proof. It did, on the other hand, mean that I found a home for the Minnie Mouse I have had since I visited Disneyland when I was 11. This is a 1m tall Minnie, so a maxi-Minnie, really. She's mostly sat in the top of the wardrobe in my old bedroom where I grew up, since then - until my Mum moved 2 years ago, anyway. It was funny - the toy was taller than the toddler. This was a mostly unloved (by me) Minnie, cos she wasn't the original one we bought. The original was stolen out of my carry bag before we even got out the Disneyland gates, as I recall. When we went back, they didn't have any of the wee cute ones left, so I ended up with the ginormous one, and she was just not the same!

Meanwhile, the tenacious toddler tailed the cat with endless patience and no frustration (other than that of the cat) to be seen. Apparently she doesn't understand that it's not a game, yet, and that actually the cat is running away deliberately, not teasing. I wonder how long this will last? She tails her own family dog in the same way - up and down the kitchen for up to 20 times a go. So innocent, and yet so jolly determined!

Mowing the lawn is very satisfying. In thinking back over the years and years of lawnmowing I've done, I realise it is symbolic for me of "place" and "belonging". The way, when you mow the same lawn over and over, you get to know where the dips, the just-buried rocks, the soggy bits, the low branches are. You see the house from a different perspective (and I still remember the time the lawnmower put a stone through the lounge window, when I was very young. It inspired years of checking the front lawn "thoroughly" before mowing). I've mowed with a hand mower, a reel mower - one once that was as tall as me and ten times as powerful, when I worked for Grasslands at the DSIR one summer - a 2-stroke, a 4-stroke and, in London, an electric whiney thing. All of them produced the same fresh-cut grassy aroma that I smell today.

Only quite recently, I learnt that it is better for grass if we don't trim it as short as short can be. Why is this? I've had to break the habit of a lifetime. One of my colleagues said that if you left the grass a bit longer, the Onehunga weed (with it's nasty prickles) doesn't grow well. That's good enough reason for me. Apparently the grass is healthier, too, and grows thicker. This seems like a catch 22 - surely you'd have to mow more often, but in practice, I've found not. I'm no turf expert, that's for sure.

At the moment, the lawn is about all I am succeeding with in my yard. The garden is a tangled wilderness, though it does still produce a series of nice flowers throughout the year. I've never enjoyed gardening, but mowing, now that's something I can manage well.

Well, here I am, then.
The first page of a new book.
Or whatever you call it in cyberspace.