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~*~ Mother Teresa's Prayer ~*~

I came across this prayer, this weekend. I will try and hold it in mind throughout Lent. I'm a pretty slow learner, though.

 

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
...Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
...Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
...Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
...Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
...Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
...Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
...Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
...Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

When I was looking for that one, I also came across this saying, by Mother Theresa. I rather liked it also:

    "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

I've been thinking about being kind, recently. To myself and others. About what it is in relationships with those we care about that make them different from those with people we know as acquaintances or colleagues. I think there's a lot of kindness involved when someone knows your heart. I am touched when the people I care about reciprocate in grace and kindness, and I must be more prepared to follow the words in the prayer, when they don't.

a bit of a plug...

... for those of you living within a bulls roar of Auckland, you really really ought to go and check out Maladict's Fix, a great new cafe my friends recently opened at Clark's Beach. Complete with permission from Terry Pratchett himself, it is named after the vampire character in one of his books who has given up his addiction to blood, and turned to coffee instead.

I went out last Sunday, taking a friend, and you couldn't get friendlier service anywhere else in Auckland. Not only that, but it's backed with a silver medal in the BP New Zealand Coffee Festival last year, in the espresso category. WOW!!! Can't say fairer than that! Get your butts out there and check it out. And there's no excuse, either, if you're not local - check out the link in my previous post, and you can order online!

no whinges today

Yeah, that's right. It's Saturday morning, I'm drinking a fine cup of Zeke's Howler Monkey blend, it's raining (which means that at last it's a bit cooler, yay), and although it turned quite sour in the middle, my week finished well.

The car turned out to have a broken alternator belt. Which, in it's turn, turned out to only be worth $18 ish to replace, + labour. I phoned a colleague to get her recommendations for a local service garage, one that I can easily access from work, and as a result have scored a real "find". Fantastic service, trust & reliability. I got held up at work the next night (that's a whole different story.....), so they just left the keys at the petrol station in front for me to pick up. All this without ever having sighted me - all done over the phone. They were fine about me coming in the next day to pay. WOW!!!!! Have booked it in again for next week for a service and some other bits and pieces I've been putting off.

So, got held up at work... We've been trying to sort some classes this week, it becoming more and more urgent as the day approached when we began full timetable. It became more and more obvious that things weren't working, and on Thursday afternoon, when I sat down with the new HOD to check stuff, it didn't take us long to realise that we had to start again from scratch. This being mainly cos of the duff data I'd been supplied by my last year's 2IC. I should have known that I ought to just start from the beginning again myself, but I have this naturally gullible streak that wants to believe that others are competent. Ah well. It made me look really useless, but I have the satisfaction of knowing that I'd done my best with what I'd been given. And, not only that, it was finally something for new-boss to get his teeth into, and it felt SO GOOD to walk out at 6.20 and know that for once I was leaving someone else to do the work! Yayayayayayayay! The upshot was that on Friday we started timetable, and basically had to tell that year level that we were just filling time for that period, and they'd be with their "real" teacher next week. Oh, and new-boss is sorting the workload issue for me, too, it seems. Well Hallelujah!

So, it all ended well. I walked out on Friday afternoon, knowing that I still have 1001 things to do, but that I'm not in the front of the firing line any more. SO pleased:)

where to start...

So, this is the year that everything is going to be better, right?
Yeah, right, as Tui would have it.
I don't know if I can be bothered working too far backwards from tonight
(although at some point I will rave about what a great summer it was - it
just seems an awful long time ago now, and has been well eclipsed by the
huge hours I've been working again at school).
Tonight my fanbelt broke, when I was halfway down the Highway. It took the
AA towtruck about an hour and a half to get there (in the meantime my friend
appeared to rescue me with KFC), and I felt quite bereft!
Friend said "I wish I'd brought my camera", and I realised "ooh... I have
one on the phone". so I amused myself while nice bloke was loading it by
taking photos. I do like to watch men work. Well, anyone, really, who's not
me. cos it just seems that in the last 2 weeks, all I've heard about is how
much people are enjoying this wonderful weather we are now having, and I'm
stuck in a pokey office, behind my computer. Started feeling QUITE
resentful.

On the other hand, I do need to say that new-boss is going to be great.
Really great. He's Irish, but most recently been teaching in a private boys
school in Surrey. Has a SCREAM of a sense of humour. It just takes more time
than I'm currently wanting to know about to transfer all the information
about stuff that has to happen yesterday. But I know it will get better.
Till tonight, I didn't think it could get any worse!

Phew!

At last, a bit of a slower pace...
It snowed on me in my travels, in spite of it supposedly being the height of summer, and then this morning it hailed!
I had enough time yesterday to finish putting together a cool-as bead angel I was given quite some time ago...

Took my mother and our 96 year old ex-neighbour out to look at the lights last night. We started at the house where I grew up - never seen it looking like this before!!!

so good to be not doing much at all!

Finally

... Yep, finally, nearly 2 weeks after some of my friends, I have finished school. I was so determined to be out of there today that I was up until 2am working, and then, after not really being able to sleep, back at it again at 7.30 this morning. But, at last, at 4.45 this afternoon, I did the last task that HAD to be done before I could leave. There is, of course lots more that I didn't do, but it can and will have to wait. I need this break. This has been one of the hardest working years I have ever known. At the same time it has been challenging and stimulating, but I'm totalled now. Illustrated vividly by more tears at the end of last week.

What am I planning for the summer? Well, it seems to get shorter and shorter all the time - I have to be back for a 2 day intro for the last course in my diploma, which is sure something I could live without. And I have to be back at school a week before everyone else. But other than that, the bit I'm looking most forward to is a week at a beach. Not the same beach as last year, but just as nice by all accounts. I'm looking forward to the long long evenings strolling along and collecting shells and driftwood.

Boy's toys...

My brother cracks me up. He is the epitome of playing it close to the chest. He's off this weekend, to run the Kepler Challenge Mountain race for the 17th time. Last year was a really slow one (11-ish hours to do the 64km), so he joked at Christmas that this year he'd be going for the most improved time. So I wished him well in his endeavours. What do I get back but an email, not about the mountain race, but about the trip down the West Coast to get to the mountain race, and how he was going to have the most improved time for that. How come?
Well... I had to

look in the rear view mirror:

.
.
.
no, closer... in the wing mirror:

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
and then gaze out the front, at the beast disappearing into the distance:


So, apparently he won one of the limited edition Ford Falcon XR8's with personalised All Blacks number plates. Someone remind me again why I don't buy Lotto tickets??

How long....????

It's always the oldies that I go back to when times are tough, as they are at the moment.

Every cry is a song
Every song is a prayer
And our prayers must be heard
To fill the air

Help us make peace
Amazing grace, Morning has
broken, Imagine, Trumpets, Knocking
on heavens door, in the garden,
Forever young, No woman no cry, Ag
criost an siol, Open up, open up,
open up the doors to your heart, You
might need somebody. Thank you
for letting me be myself again.

I'm looking forward to "being myself" again. Dunno when it's gonna happen, still can't see past the next 2 weeks. In fact, at the moment, I'm lucky if I can see past the next hour. A couple of good people have popped out of the woodwork yesterday and today, to fill the vacuum of isolation and speak love to my broken spirit. After these 2 terms, I don't think I'll ever be the same "me" again. I've learnt a thing or two, some things that I never really wanted to learn, or see. Some has been rewarding, some has been very disappointing. I hope I'm a stronger person when it's over.

Fame

How sad it is when we grasp at tenuous links to perceived fame...

Loosely translated as "the school magazine was out today, and I have found my picture (4x) and reference to me (2x)".

Is this where we set goals for next year??

2.5 weeks to go in this academic year, and I probably still have about 6 weeks work. Still not quite sure how I'm going to do it, but there's nothing surer than that time will pass! Somehow, too, I also have 2 massive assignments to finish, of which one is a website, so I may be brave enough to post a link, when it's done. (might.)

(or not!)

Grrr!!!

Why?
1. It's 4.52am and I'm not asleep. I got up cos I'd been not asleep for about an hour and I'm bored.
2. I just got error messages from haloscan saying I didn't have permission to access my member page.
3. Consequently comments have vanished, at the moment, anyway
4. Why not?
5. Marking exams, writing reports, budgets and reports to the Board are not things I want to be thrashing about at this time of the morning. Ever.

Review

Found this in the Herald this morning. I'm glad I'm not the only one who enjoyed it! (although that was very obvious by the demand for encore after encore, which they were kind enough to fulfill)
Most amused at this reference to the chandelier thingys I mentioned already: The giant creatures-of-the-deep-like chandeliers from the workshop of Neil's wife Sharon were certainly flash.
I must just add, tho, that I HATE the St James Theater - it has got to be the MOST uncomfortable venue in Auckland. I was on the mezzanine floor, nearish the front, wonder how close I was to the rest of the Finn clan?!

Bit of a play

Well, instead of doing 1000's of other things that were really far more necessary, I've had a bit of a play with colours and stuff. I liked one of the other templates, but I lost my other settings, so I won't play with that until I have time to fiddle properly.

Finns!!

Instead of focussing on how crap the past few weeks have been, I will go to bed tonight and relive the Finn Brothers' concert I've just come home from. They were awesome. (I can't believe I first heard them as Crowded House, in the Manawatu Sports Stadium on 14 January 1989 - according to this phenomenally detailed bio site!. They played a curious mix of Split Enz and CH, that night, from memory.. faint though it is now!!!) These guys ROCK! They could've gone on all night, and still not repeated the same song twice, although I wouldn't have minded a bit if they had. Lots of songs from the new album, but also ones from way back when I was still at school, and they were the Enz.

The backdrop/set was fantastic. They had these groovy hanging chandelier things, which, with the changes in lighting reminded me at times of:
chinese lanterns
ghost ship lights
portugese man 'o war
pin cushion
glow worms
waterfalls
Christmas decorations
orthodox lanterns
and others that I can't remember. I had a go at taking a photo with my phone, but it's really rubbish from that distance & in low light:



It was a real feast of vision and sound. Loved it.

The supporting groups were Gasoline Cowboy, who had a couple of good numbers, but I could take or leave them, and Missy Higgins, on tour with the Finns & her first time in NZ. She had just an awesome voice, and accompanied herself on either guitar or keyboard. I was impressed!! This is a wee article about her that was in the NZ Herald last week.

Sad:(

What I want to know is this. How is it possible that the most alone I feel is sometimes when I am with the person who is my closest friend? What is that about? Is it because the level of expectation of emotional support is higher, and hence the lack of any is more of a let down? Is it because the people you are closest to are the ones that have the inside knowledge and ability to hurt you the most? Is it because answering the question "what can I do do support you in this difficult time?" with specifics and appreciating the effort while it lasts (about 2 days, as a rule) becomes more difficult every time? I really don't know, but I feel quite sad.

Idolblog.com wins

Woohoo!!! Congrats to Rachel and Regan for winning the Best Youth Site award at the Netguide awards last night, for the site they set up for the first series of NZ Idol. It's grown like Topsy ever since, so that now they have 7000 registered members! You go guys!!!!

Today was Labour Day holiday - the first was in 1890, celebrating the struggle for an eight-hour working day, which allegedly NZ workers were among the first in the world to achieve. Someone forgot to tell whoever designed my current job description. I did no work today, in protest, rather than in celebration! I will of course, pay for it during the week!

This weekend also celebrates an anniversary of something else... 10 years ago on Labour Weekend, my father celebrated his last birthday. I can see him now, gaunt as he was, sitting in his wheelchair blowing out some candles on a cake. He most enjoyed the trifle, as I recall, and he did get very very tired. 10 days later, on Melbourne Cup day, he died. At one point as I was sitting in the hospital, I read a quote from Twain, in a Readers Digest, which I have often reflected on in the years since:

"What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself All day long, the mill of his brain is grinding, and his thoughts, not those other things, are his history. These are his life, and they are not written and cannot be written (or shared). Every day would make a whole book of 80,000 words--365 books a year. Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man--the biography of the man himself cannot be written."

At the time, it was very poignant, but as time has passed, I have come to understand even more deeply the truth of this statement. How much we see and think and process internally, that never gets recorded anywhere but on the inside of our minds. How much of it is forgotten 2 seconds later, and how much is retained for years and years, only to come back to the surface when we least expect it.

Having read the book John McCarthy wrote with Brian Keenan, about their travels in Chile, I'm now reading "A Ghost upon your path", in which John travels to a remote corner of Kerry, to spend some time, exploring his roots and coming to terms with his mother's death while he was a hostage in Beirut. I came across this passage last night, which had real resonance:

"The late afternoon light darkens, emphasizing my feeling of isolation. I keep the curtains open so that I can see the lights of cars on the road and of the houses across the harbour at Cromane. Many people live like this around here, I imagine. It's very hard to pin down the character of solitude. It is fickle, friendly and frightening by turns, bringing a sense of loss and good fortune almost in the same moment. Vast spaces, whether physical or emotional, can have you shouting for joy or leave you mute and cowering."

Oh dear. Another week gone by, and that tunnel just stretches on out.

On a brighter note, I went to my old school to watch a couple of year 12 plays tonight. I really enjoyed them both - the quality of drama teaching there is magnificent. One of the guys who made the video that won the national nude video competition earlier in the year got his kit off again. (to many wolf whistles from the audience.. the 14yr old members, that is, not us genteel types) School plays have certainly changed since I was in them!!!

Well.
So just when you thought there might be light at the end of the tunnel, that's about when it turns out to be a train. And this tunnel - it has no exits. Been back 3 days, and that is time enough for the work to triple. It's not a case of saying "no" to things... this is just the job, and I'm only finding out bits at a time . So glad I didn't apply for it on a permanent basis. 9 weeks and counting.